Tom Verberne (Feb. 2020)
Often, our hope is diluted by dissatisfaction with one’s self. On one hand, a blue flame burns behind your heart to the tune of unheard sound and unfelt emotion. Conversely, you remain cocooned with a self-identity that barely allows you to scratch the surface of your passions. This comes and goes at various stages in one’s life, sometimes late, yet often early. For Tom Verberne, it had been the puzzle which he’d been wrestling with for the last two years, only now finding the missing piece.
He had just put out his first album and was ready to embark upon his artistic journey. The road was narrow in its confusions yet wide in its opportunity. But while traversable, the road eventually diverged and forced him to reflect inwards. In realizing that he wasn’t who had needed to be, both as an artist and individual, he knew he couldn’t finish his next project. There was no chance it could be what he envisioned.
Instead of forcing something too soon, Tom took a new road and began to take time while allowing experience and community to build in his life. He gave himself the chance to learn where he had come short prior and where he needed to move towards. He released the version of himself that was always hiding within his heart to the world and became part of the larger human experience. In giving himself time, in growing and expressing free, Tom had found that his solution was to embrace every single aspect that defined his character.
And here, on the cusp of his next project releasing, Tom is sharing the lessons of his journey and working to become an infuser of hope in times of misunderstanding. He wants us all to love every part of our hearts and to take the roads previously undriven. We are to become students and listeners equally, meant to find our truth within the sonic flashbacks he’s gifting.
Eventually, we’ll all be on the same plane. We’ll all find our answers and become teachers ourselves. But don’t think for a second that’s where Tom is going to let this end. He’ll continue to grow as time passes yet all the while outstretching a hand, inviting you to embark on another journey, ready to find the next set of answers and, eventually, a universal catharsis.
How’s your day going and how have you been as of late?
Good! I’m on my first day off after working at Laneway festival, which was awesome! The line up was stacked this year; I saw the 1975, Charlie XCX, Earl Sweatshirt and heaps more. I went to the after-party which my friends Luke (stupid rich kid) and Maxwell Young were playing at as well.
How’d it feel for you being able to see you and your friends amongst artists you enjoy and in some cases admire? What is the emotion of being peers with your inspirations?
It’s amazing, I’m so proud! It’s still surreal that I’m one point of connection away from artists I’ve idolized since I was 14. Seeing worlds like that coming together is massively motivational in itself, it all becomes a bit more realistic rather than a dream. But also part of it is being able to hang out with people whose music I love, which is sometimes my friends’ music. I don’t know where I would be without any of it. Riding the same creative wave as my friends is one of the most inspiring things for me, easily. But also all my homies are just great friends as well which is a massive bonus.
Just seeing it all grow is so beautiful, I’m guessing you never thought that you and friends would be here if you told 14-year-old you. If there is a moment you think you realized that what you’re doing is worthwhile, which moment is it and how did it affect you?
I think the feeling I get every time I make a song I like makes it all worthwhile for sure. But, some little moments help. I was working a shitty gardening job while it was raining, windy and freezing and saw Snail Mail repost my song, and I’d been playing her music the year prior so much she was one of my top artists. That kind of thing makes me feel better about justifying my lifestyle and keeps me going.
Yeah, and you also had the chance to visit some of the friends you’d made through music in NY and LA this year. What was that experience like for you and what were the larger memories you left with?
Every person I met was so amazing and super talented, it left me so motivated hearing everyone's new songs and working with people to level up my game. New Zealand is so small comparatively as well, so it was mental seeing the scale of things over there and how much it would take to get over there, which is the goal of most of my friends and me, or mainly to get out of NZ permanently. It helped to make that goal more visible. I also kind of hated LA, but living in New York would be insane.
For sure, New York is an ever-inspiring place, just the environment of constant movement. What did you want to be growing up as a kid and when did it switch to music?
Exactly, New York is so hectic and that’s such a contagious vibe. I grew up in a musical house so I don’t even remember learning guitar. It’s been something I wanted to do forever but gathering up the confidence to pursue after leaving school was hard. I was enrolled to do a politics course until the final week when I had to make a decision and I ended up choosing to go to music school.
Wow, did you find any challenges in that transition and are you finding music school to be teaching ideas you hadn’t approached prior?
I left music school after a year. It was a nice way to move to a new city and meet like-minded and great friends like Maxwell and my friend Baxter, who also makes great music, among others. The course just didn’t teach or inspire me a whole lot, so I left it. I love the lifestyle of just focusing on music, although it is hard when nothing comes and the pressure mounts to keep making songs. It is kind of scary trying to turn your love, hobby and main form of enjoyment, into your work.
What are some of the moments in your life on top of this experience that you feel shaped and created who you are today?
Apart from the America trip, I just moved cities at the start of the year, which has been a pretty big and scary step for me. I was super comfortable living in Wellington and had heaps of fun and friends. But Auckland is the main hub for music in New Zealand, hence the move. I also like making big changes in my life so it stops me from feeling stagnant. But in regards to music, I still feel like I am very malleable in the way that I can hear a song I like and want to make music like it, regardless of genre. But I do feel like I’m on track to finding my sound and that all the different music I listen to contributes to my music in one way or another. But one moment that rings a bell was watching Jon Hopkins live and not knowing anything about him and then going on to become a massive fan and super inspired by his work.
Just before we talk about some of your current work and vision, what are some other live shows you've also been to and ones that have had an impact on you?
Honestly, nothing else has quite changed me like Jon Hopkins, but I saw Coldplay once when I was maybe 12 or 13 after my parents made me go and thank god they did. That’s a concert I look back on and still watch a lot now. Something about massive stadiums full of people crying over a song I love gets me every time.
Absolutely, that feeling is simply indescribable, everyone sharing an endless moment. To go back to what you were saying about finding your own sound, how do you feel you've been able to discover your own lane in music and also understand the sonics you want to produce?
I think my music is just an amalgamation of all the music I love, and as that has changed so has the music I’ve been making. I spent most of highschool listening to mainly hip-hop and I think that shows on my first record with the production and flows. Now my music taste has kind of moved into alternative pop and a lot of electronic and ambient music which all comes through in the upcoming record. The older I get, the more my music settles down and becomes more cohesive as I hone in on certain aspects of music that feature throughout a lot of my music. Finding my voice has been a big step as well, my new album feels like the first piece of work I’ve made where each song will mean something to me forever.
Did you feel in that process of creating those ‘forever’ songs you were able to create a story or overarching mantra that resonated throughout the entire project?
They are all songs about important, defining events and feelings in my life. They all centre around certain themes that have been the most prominent in my adult life so far, such as longing and insecurities. I was going to call the album ‘Hopelessly Hopeful', it’s a lyric in ‘Up 4 2’ and I felt it captured the feelings of the album and my life while writing it. But I decided it was a bit corny and eventually came up with a way better name anyway.
Yeah, I agree it wouldn’t have fit who you are very well as a full title. What’re some album titles you've always enjoyed? Personally, I love ‘Loveless’, ‘LSD and the Search for God’ and ‘Pink Moon.’
I love ‘Loveless’ as well, I had a song that was pretty close to making it onto the album that was called Loveless! I’m pretty into long titles. ‘I don’t like shit, I don’t go outside’ is a classic and I’ve recently been listening to a lot of a band called Teen Suicide, which is a gnarly name that my dad openly hates lol. They have an album called ‘A Whole Fucking Lifetime of This’, which is so angsty, I love it. I really like my album title and am excited to share it with people!
Other than just the title, what other points of growth do you feel you've noticed between your last album and this one and what major differences are important to note as a listener?
I honestly think everything got so much better. The production has much more depth to it on the new album. The songwriting and structures have become more complex and meaningful. The album as a whole is more coherent with themes and sounds returning throughout. I think the last album you would be able to clock within a couple of listens, but the new one will keep on giving hopefully (according to my Dad at least).
Looking forward beyond this project and even music as a whole in some ways, what do you feel are the memories you’re most excited to make and experiences you’re excited to go through?
I’m always just excited to see what music I’m gonna make! If I’d shown my album to myself this time last year I would’ve been over the moon. I think that applies to all aspects of my life. If I was able to myself a year ahead from where I was and before anything had taken place, I think I would always be pretty amazed. Hopefully, it continues!
Especially considering all your movement and ability in this time to find so much community. Do you also feel being able to be more visible towards listeners through live shows and things of the like is important for you as you continue to reveal the 'new you' you’ve developed?
Yeah for sure. I love going to good gigs and playing shows. I’m actually booking my first headline and album release shows right now! I think it is just a matter of playing more to improve, so this year I’m planning on doing it a lot. The music I’m writing at the moment is pretty punk so I’m excited to start playing it live.
If I was a fan leaving a Tom Verberne show and I’m talking to my friend about the feeling I have and what the experience was, what sort of emotions would you hope to have instilled into that conversation?
Well, first of all, I’d want them to be unexpectedly sweaty from dancing harder than they anticipated. I think there is a very special feeling I’ve gotten from live shows and I’d love to be able to give that feeling to others. They’d be happy, hopefully, but would have left with almost an introspective kind of mood but still having had fun with friends. I think I’d just be happy if they said it made them emotional in general.
What do you feel you’re currently most proud of both with your work but also within your life outside of it? What, in reflection, do you smile at knowing you have achieved or become?
I’m proud of most of my music mainly and that it can connect with people. My friends as well, seeing my friends doing well always makes me smile and I’m proud that they are my friends.
So much right? Seeing everybody come into their own is so beautiful, seeing everyone become what you've always known them possible to become.
For real man, I’m excited to watch everyone move into the future.
As a final thought, in the eventual book of your life, what would you hope this chapter to be titled and represent in the grand scheme? Why does it come to you as such?
I think I’d want the book to be called ‘Life’s a Myth.’ That’s the last song on the album. That’s probably due to my formative years in regards to my music. I mean, I can’t speak for the future so I could change direction or just again look back on this period without pride, but at this point, I hope that I’m gonna be able to stand behind this album for a while at least. In terms of life, in general, I think what I was gonna call the album, Hopelessly Hopeful, would fit pretty well.
What does it mean to you for someone to be helplessly hopeful and what are the important aspects to that feeling?
Being hopelessly hopeful for me is just being too infatuated with an idea or something that is not going to happen, and knowing it, but all the while still hoping that you’re wrong and it comes true.
Photos by Dexter Cheng