Soft Glas (June 2019)

It’s not easy to feel as though an answer resides within daily life. For many, constant inertia blockades the possibility for growth or individual development. Yet, Soft Glas disagrees. He disagrees with the ideal that this is a blockade and instead sees it as an opportunity for unlocking his truest self. In times of turmoil, his despair is only a gateway towards honesty and happiness. It is accepting confusion with the belief it will guide towards understanding.

Of course, this is delivered through his artistic understandings. With such large questions, he finds himself more suited to seek answer within sonic landscapes. Building upon them layer by layer, an auditory nirvana is developed where freedom of expression reins supreme. The ability to express becomes a boat upon a stream towards unknown perceptions.

It is not a simply journey to make. The bumps and cracks within the road are many and often debilitating emotionally. But they are but bumps, they pass with the hours and are forgotten to the sands of time. Of course, lessons are learned, Soft Glas and his listeners become smarter and more understanding. And day by day, the man he wants to be is forming as the puzzle to his life collects new pieces with every passing moment.

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Our first question as always, how’s your day going and how have you been lately?

My day has been well and I’ve been very well. I’m in a very transitory state in my life right now. I moved out of New York last week but I’m currently back in New York for a photography job. I’m sleeping on my brother’s couch and not feeling grounded. But I’m trying to embrace it, it’s a really interesting feeling. I’m trying to live in the moment because I haven’t felt like this in a long time and I don’t know when I’ll feel like this again.

In your eyes, how would you reflect upon your time in New York and when did you realize you had to go there and what was the intention in that journey?

I moved there right after I finished college in 2013. I had a friend who was already there for a year and after deciding to pursue music he stressed to me that I couldn’t do it in Tallahassee, Florida and pushed me to live with him. I had visited New York in high school with my dad and I always imagined living there. But now with the realistic posibility in front of me, I had to take it. But that was six years ago and in those six years, I think the most important thing was coming into my own as an artist, and also as a person. I gained confidence in myself through being so challenged in New York and you have to really believe in yourself there because no one else is going to.

How would you then compare New York to your first times in music and the difference in creative output for you? Were there experiences in New York that helped with that development?

I think I was very idealistic when I first started making music. I do come from a musical family and it never seemed unrealistic to pursue the music path. But when I was younger, I didn’t understand the emotional and psychological side of things. There was no sense of what a toll it can take on someone. New York taught that lesson pretty well. It exposed me to the highs and the lows of being an artist. The highs being the endless opportunity and the stimuli. The lows being the constant ability to compare yourself to others and the exposure to others’ success which can lead you to be lost.

Then what are you currently looking for now when you leave and what is it that you think is waiting for you on the horizon?

I think that I’m looking for a real change in environment. New York can be really claustrophobic and tight and I think having more space is something I’m looking forward to. I felt my quality of life had become a problem recently, being sick all the time and the winters kept getting harder every year. I felt that I had the opportunity to leave and that if I didn’t, I could be here forever. I do love it, but I think the same reason I came is presenting itself again. Right now is the freest I’ll ever be to make a change in my life.

Do you think the environment then answered a lot of questions for you but also created many new ones that need to be answered elsewhere?

New York taught me how to listen to myself. It taught me how to be alone and function while being alone. And I think that’s a double-edged sword because I became lonely in the last year or so. I looked up and realized that though I have amazing friends there, I was lacking a sense of community, specifically artistically. A lot of my friends who make music ended up moving away from New York. It was less about the scene there and more so the lack of personal relationships in the music community there. I’ve made great friends since that time but my decision was made.

Would you say at this point in life you have a clear vision of who you are and who you want to be?

Oh, no way dude. I have no idea. I think I’m more comfortable in my own skin. That just comes with age and experience, but even then I’m more comfortable with the search now. When I was younger I had anxiety based on other’s perceptions on me. I think I’m more comfortable in growing and not worrying so much about that growth.

RIght, it’s that feeling of ‘who the hell am I?’ but you’re not freaking out that the question exists and more so excited about the thrill of the chase towards personal growth.

And something I’ve realized too is that I change often. I change my taste and how I portray myself as an artist almost by the month, and that scared me because I feared being disingenuous. Recently, I’m realizing that constant search is ultimately who I am.

In terms of you growing personally, you talked about being really involved in this new work and committing fully to the project. Which asks how the work has developed and how you think it has all come together in this transitional window?

I think when I first started my New York phase, I was still figuring everything out. I was still learning what I actually wanted to do as a musician. I thought I would just produce for other people and then slowly I started seeing myself as an artist as well. And that naturally evolved to wanting to make songs and not just instrumentals. My first album (Late Bloom) was that era, but I was still dependent on collaboration and needed vocalists to sing the songs. I didn’t write many lyrics on it either. So that transition to the next project (Orange Earth) was taking more autonomy and wanting to be able to create and perform these songs myself; whether on tour or live or recording. It’s what led to singing on stuff (which I was uncomfortable with) on top of the responsibility of creating everything. But it was necessary. And now, I’m at a point where I’m the most comfortable I’ve been with my voice and playing abilities, so I can turn my attention towards what ideas I’m presenting with the album and I think that’s why it’s taken so long. It hasn’t been a goal to prove myself, but to convey what I’m going through.

For sure, and to add to that, what personal challenges did you have to go through and overcome to see through this entire project?

I think I’m still struggling with it. The number one thing has been completely and effectively conveying what I hope to convey. That’s been what’s taken so long. I have written and recorded at least 30 songs and a lot of them have been reworked 3 or 4 times, but I only feel comfortable with like 3 of them to release. It’s making sure I’m being faithful to why I’m making this album. To be honest that’s been difficult for me because as an artist in 2019, I want to put things out. I want to stay in the mix and the conversation. I don’t want people to forget about me, as stupid as it sounds. It’s that constant struggle of stopping myself and just sticking faithful to my principles. It’s a goal to not be reactionary, which is hard. It’d be very easy to react but suppressing that urge has been part of my discipline lately.

Through this project, what is the largest ideal you hope to see conveyed and the principles which can be examined throughout it?

It’s basically an existential crisis and the fear of the passage of time and how love is affected by that fear. My love for my parents, my siblings, my significant other, and my friends are influenced by my paralyzing fear of time making us older. That’s been the through-line for the whole project and it’s been interesting to see how that’s manifested itself through living in New York and now moving in with my parents this summer and spending more time with them. All of those things are informing the music I’m creating. Every time I think I’m straying away from that core I know I have to reel it back it. It’s been a tough mental space for the last couple years to jump into, but I think it’s worth it for me. I want to faithfully represent this moment.

At the finish line at this album do you feel a sense of catharsis and epiphany with this project or has it only amplified your fears and uncertainties?

I think song-writing for me has always been a way to work through my own emotions. The way I write is very intuitive and I tend to usually write using a freestyle of train of thought I’ll record as a guide. This album has helped me work through what I first didn’t understand and what I can continue to want to understand. It served as catharsis and a decoding of sorts for me. Its helped me be aware of what I’m feeling, which has allowed me to act on it. I know how I want to spend my time and how I want to live. A lot of that awareness comes from working on this project.

And as someone who fears the passage of time, what do you feel are the ways you overcome that beyond music and creation, as it is a universal fear?

Personally, it’s all about living in the moment. There’s a lot of little things that happen in a day and being aware of these little things help. If I’m home and my mom is going grocery shopping, I’ve been more aware to join her those moments. Being hyper-aware of it has helped me be more at peace. I can’t help time passing but I can control how I use it.

You’ve talked in the past about seeing songs as rollercoasters and them having these moments where you feel weightless and so free. What songs have those moments for you and what have they meant?

I think my mind immediately goes to ‘Skyline To’, the moment with the keys arpeggio thing. That stream of consciousness-esque production - It’s a very linear style with a sense of momentum in the arrangement. That stuff fascinates me. I’ve been listening to a lot of Sufjan Stevens and artists like that where each song has its own story and each song feels like a film with acts and a climax. I love that idea of a song being the score to a moment.

It’s funny you mention Sufjan because the first song to my head was ‘Death with Dignity’ when the piano comes in because it’s the most perfect piece ever.

I mean, Carrie and Lowell… Yeah, I think I listened to it every day for six months while making this project. There is definitely Sufjan love there.

I know you love Blonde and obviously Carrie and Lowell, but what other albums have inspired you in this creation process?

I’ve been revisiting Radiohead a lot for the nostalgia and dystopian elements in their sound. Some Simon and Garfunkel, specifically ‘Bookends’ by them. There’s a bunch of songs there that embody the linear aspect I talked about. As always I’m listening to a lot of classical music. Some film scores like Phantom Thread and Call Me by Your Name. Elliott Smith too, all that folk acoustic stuff. Also: Mid-Air Thief’s Crumbling, Stereolab’s Dots & Loops, Jessica Pratt’s Quiet Signs, Grizzly Bear’s Yellow House, Moses Sumney’s Aromanticism, Badly Drawn Boy’s The Hour of Bewilderbeast, Stevie Wonder’s Innervisions, etc….

It’s interesting you mentioned a few film soundtracks there as it does match your sound well. If you could take your album and make it the soundtrack to any film or a plot you want. Which do you think it would fit with?

Well, I’d say a lot of my music is inspired by Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind and I’ve always wanted to make music that felt like that movie. It’s funny because it deals with time in a funny way as well.

What things on the horizon are on your artistic bucket list and why do they hold significance to you?

The biggest thing is playing this music with a band. I grew up playing the drums in different bands and I always loved the specific high you get when playing on stage with others. When you communicate with the musicians on stage via the music. I miss that infinitely and it’s something I can’t wait to do again. It’s funny because while working on the album I’ll think about how I’ll perform it live and realize I can’t do it without 5 others… but that’s a great realization.

And on the idea of the topic of the live atmosphere, what do you think the live experience has to have for it to be a show you can be proud of?

I think it’s all about creating moments. Translating those moments on stage is the key and I honestly think they can be even more powerful on stage. I remember when I was younger seeing live jazz and feeling this emotional tug of war going on. And all of sudden I understood the point of live music, to pull something out of the listeners/viewers. To create those moments is the goal of it all. That’s the next labyrinth for me to take on, as it will be as hard as the album creation has been.

In the next year and this move you’re within, what are memories you’re becoming nostalgic for before they even happen and moments you are excited to experience?

I’m very excited to create a new home. I’m planning on moving to Los Angeles this summer and I’m excited for that feeling of an exhale. Having a home again in a new place with people I love is the most important thing right now. I don’t really have a home right now and I can’t wait to have the simple moments like having my own bed again and my own studio and my own walls to decorate.

Do you have anyone to shoutout or any ideas to ensure you’ve said? The floor is yours…

A lot of my friends and family are doing beautiful stuff right now. My brother Joan Gonzalez is going to release his comedy short series which he wrote and stars in. I’m excited for him to finally put his work out into the world. My sister Yolanda Gonzalez is performing in her first theater show in Miami this summer. Cehryl just released a beautiful album. Mulherin is about to release new music too. Alex Szotak is writing new stuff! Cautious Clay makes so much music, I’m sure he’s about to release more craziness soon. Aaron Vazquez is working new visual work. The last thing I want to say is that I don’t know anything about anything.